i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
