she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
