He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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