i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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