I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
