i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize