After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
