1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
