I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
just tell him i said nine months
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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