It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
