I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
