So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
