i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
