I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
