i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
