Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
