smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
