So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
i need some magic done to my vagina
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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