did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
