Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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