Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize