i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
