he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
