Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
