your thong is hanging out like whoa
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
