I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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