I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
