She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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