this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
