I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
