I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
