i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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