It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
