dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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