Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
