thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
