The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize