Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
