I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Dick very happy bro
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
