tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
