I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
