Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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