Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
