Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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