So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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