Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
