sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
you had me at cake vodka
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
