I bet he comes in French.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
whose parrot is this?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize