It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
