So gin and wine won't be happening again
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
