i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
