I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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