The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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