I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
