Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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