My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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