Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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