Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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