I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
