my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
