Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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