Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
