so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
