No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
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