If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Ketchup is God's man juice
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
