Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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