halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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