In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Randomize