I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
