Porn is love you can see.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
