ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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