the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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