Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
