i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
