im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
