How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
